How bad does it hurt?

Considering ways to improve my personal best, I have been thinking of the topic of adversity, oppression, and injustice for a few months now. While I was walking/running and thinking this morning, I decided to try and formulate some thoughts with a couple of historical examples.  Admittedly, this exercise is more hasty than I would prefer, so I'm sure there will be gaps and lack of connection to the ideas that I want to share.  However and hopefully, this gives us all moment to pause and recognize we have choices in our daily actions and reactions.  Hopefully we can all choose to treat one another kindly and generously give the benefit of the doubt to those with whom we cannot see eye to eye.  I believe if we individually and collectively choose to forgive anyone of past wrongs and choose to unite on common ground, we will create a better future filled with liberty and justice for all.

I've purposely removed the names and locations from my excerpts below because I want to emphasize concepts more than have the focus on any individual, group, or culture which could also introduce unintentional bias to your (the reader's) mind.  The intent is to provide enough of a unpleasant scenario that could be relevant and relatable so that we see possible paths forward.

My brief description of a particular scenario is hopefully general enough so that it can be applied to various past and present situations.  As we understand better, perhaps we'll be able to think through our own individual and collective adversities, oppressions, an injustices and choose a best path forward. 

Brief description of the situation and condition under which certain communications were delivered

As a result of fears, misunderstandings, hatred, and probably a long list of other reasons, a certain minority group of U.S. citizens feels persecutions and pressures from a certain majority group of U.S. citizens.  At a certain point, the tensions between the zealous and faith-filled minority group and the oppressive and government supported majority group reach a point where physical conflicts emerge.  As one would expect, the leaders of the minority group face an important choice... resist and face potential annihilation or resign and trust in God and the rule of law.

In this example, the minority group leaders were retained in a prison for several winter months.  I will describe the conditions so we pause to consider how adversity also plays a role in our decision making.

In short the stone prison, or dungeon, would be considered inhospitable due to the winter cold, poor ventilation and rough dimensions of a basketball free-throw lane with a ceiling low enough so you cannot stand up straight. The minority group leaders were forced to sleep on filthy hay on the hard floor or on split logs and were served rotten food for around 5 months.

So, in that state, let's pretend you receive this letter...

Letter from wife to husband, March 1839

“Dear Husband

“Having an opportunity to send by a friend, I make an attempt to write, but I shall not attempt to write my feelings altogether, for the situation in which you are, the walls, bars, and bolts, rolling rivers, running streams, rising hills, sinking valleys and spreading prairies that separate us, and the cruel injustice that first cast you into prison and still holds you there, with many other considerations, places my feelings far beyond description.

“Was it not for conscious innocence, and the direct interposition of divine mercy, I am very sure I never should have been able to have endured the scenes of suffering that I have passed through … ; but I still live and am yet willing to suffer more if it is the will of kind Heaven that I should for your sake.

“We are all well at present, except Fredrick who is quite sick.

“Little Alexander who is now in my arms is one of the finest little fellows you ever saw in your life. He is so strong that with the assistance of a chair he will run all round the room. …

“No one but God knows the reflections of my mind and the feelings of my heart when I left our house and home, and almost all of everything that we possessed excepting our little Children, and took my journey out of the [I've omitted name of the State], leaving you shut up in that lonesome prison. But the recollection is more than human nature ought to bear. …

“… I hope there are better days to come to us yet. … [I] am ever yours affectionately.

[Loving wife]

Response letter from husband to wife, April, 1839

“Dear—and affectionate—Wife.

“Thursday night I sat down just as the sun is going down, as we peek through the grates of this lonesome prison, to write to you, that I may make known to you my situation. It is I believe now about five months and six days since I have been under the grimace of a guard night and day, and within the walls, grates, and screeking iron doors of a lonesome, dark, dirty prison. With emotions known only to God do I write this letter. The contemplations of the mind under these circumstances defies the pen, or tongue, or Angels, to describe, or paint, to the human being who never experienced what we experience. … We lean on the arm of Jehovah, and none else, for our deliverance, and if he doesn’t do it, it will not be done, you may be assured, for there is great thirsting for our blood in this state; not because we are guilty of anything. … My Dear [Wife] I think of you and the children continually. … I want to see little Frederick, Joseph, Julia, Alexander, Joana, and old major [the family dog]. … I would gladly walk from here to you barefoot, and bareheaded, and half naked, to see you and think it great pleasure, and never count it toil. … I bear with fortitude all my oppression, so do those that are with me; not one of us have flinched yet. I want you [to] not let [our children] forget me. Tell them Father loves them with a perfect love, and he is doing all he can to get away from the mob to come to them. … Tell them Father says they must be good children, and mind their mother. …

“Yours,

[Loving husband]

Would we respond to our situation in this way, especially after months of ignored petitions and appeals to the executive officers and judiciary?

When we consider our own feelings of isolation, loneliness, abandonment, do we sometimes feel like this minority leader who recorded his feelings in a plea of supplication to God?

O God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?

How long shall thy hand be stayed, and thine eye, yea thy pure eye, behold from the eternal heavens the wrongs of thy people and of thy servants, and thine ear be penetrated with their cries?

Yea, O Lord, how long shall they suffer these wrongs and unlawful oppressions, before thine heart shall be softened toward them, and thy bowels be moved with compassion toward them?

O Lord God Almighty, maker of heaven, earth, and seas, and of all things that in them are, and who controllest and subjectest the devil, and the dark and benighted dominion of Sheol—stretch forth thy hand; let thine eye pierce; let thy pavilion be taken up; let thy hiding place no longer be covered; let thine ear be inclined; let thine heart be softened, and thy bowels moved with compassion toward us.

Let thine anger be kindled against our enemies; and, in the fury of thine heart, with thy sword avenge us of our wrongs.

Remember thy suffering saints, O our God; and thy servants will rejoice in thy name forever.

When God answers our prayers, are we humble enough to receive an answer such as the one this minority leader received?

My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;

And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.

Thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands.

Thou art not yet as Job; thy friends do not contend against thee, neither charge thee with transgression, as they did Job.

If thou art accused with all manner of false accusations; if thine enemies fall upon thee; if they tear thee from the society of thy father and mother and brethren and sisters; and if with a drawn sword thine enemies tear thee from the bosom of thy wife, and of thine offspring, and thine elder son, although but six years of age, shall cling to thy garments, and shall say, My father, my father, why can’t you stay with us? O, my father, what are the men going to do with you? and if then he shall be thrust from thee by the sword, and thou be dragged to prison, and thine enemies prowl around thee like wolves for the blood of the lamb;

And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.

The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?

What an incredible set of questions for us to consider.  What exactly are our options to respond to adversity and oppression?  I personally think they are more numerous than might consider initially, but I really liked an essay written by another minority leader in the United States, about 120 years later.

Here is a summary of three ways he suggests we can meet oppression.

1. Acquiescence:  "The oppressed resign themselves to their doom. They tacitly adjust themselves to oppression, and thereby become conditioned to it. In every movement toward freedom some of the oppressed prefer to remain oppressed. Almost 2800 years ago Moses set out to lead the children of Israel from the slavery of Egypt to the freedom of the Promised Land. He soon discovered that slaves do not always welcome their deliverers. They become accustomed to being slaves. They would rather bear those ills they have, as Shakespeare pointed out, than flee to others that they know not of. They prefer the “fleshpots of Egypt” to the ordeals of emancipation. There is such a thing as the freedom of exhaustion. Some people are so worn down by the yoke of oppression that they give up." 

2. Resort to physical violence and corroding hatred: "Violence often brings about momentary results. Nations have frequently won their independence in battle. But in spite of temporary victories, violence never brings permanent peace. It solves no social problem; it merely creates new and more complicated ones.

Violence as a way of achieving racial justice is both impractical and immoral. It is impractical because it is a descending spiral ending in destruction for all. The old law of an eye for an eye leaves everybody blind. It is immoral because it seeks to humiliate the opponent rather than win his understanding; it seeks to annihilate rather than to convert. Violence is immoral because it thrives on hatred rather than love. It destroys community and makes brotherhood impossible. It leaves society in monologue rather than dialogue. Violence ends by defeating itself. It creates bitterness in the survivors and brutality in the destroyers. A voice echoes through time saying to every potential Peter, “Put up your sword.” History is cluttered with the wreckage of nations that failed to follow his command."

3. Nonviolent resistance: "Like the synthesis in Hegelian philosophy, the principle of nonviolent resistance seeks to reconcile the truths of two opposites-acquiescence and violence-while avoiding the extremes and immoralities of both. The nonviolent resister agrees with the person who acquiesces that one should not be physically aggressive toward his opponent; but he balances the equation by agreeing with the person of violence that evil must be resisted. He avoids the nonresistance of the former and the violent resistance of the latter. With nonviolent resistance, no individual or group need submit to any wrong, nor need anyone resort to violence in order to right a wrong.

In the end, it is not a struggle between people at all, but a tension between justice and injustice. Nonviolent resistance is not aimed against oppressors but against oppression. Under its banner consciences, not racial groups, are enlisted.

All three elements are indispensable. The movement for equality and justice can only be a success if it has both a mass and militant character; the barriers to be over-come require both. Nonviolence is an imperative in order to bring about ultimate community.

A mass movement of militant quality that is not at the same time committed to nonviolence tends to generate conflict, which in turn breeds anarchy. The support of the participants and the sympathy of the uncommitted are both inhibited by the threat that bloodshed will engulf the community. This reaction in turn encourages the opposition to threaten and resort to force. When, however, the mass movement repudiates violence while moving resolutely toward its goal, its opponents are revealed as the instigators and practitioners of violence if it occurs. Then public support is magnetically attracted to the advocates of nonviolence, while those who employ violence are literally disarmed by overwhelming sentiment against their stand.

Only through a nonviolent approach can the fears of [a] community be mitigated. A guilt-ridden [oppressive] minority lives in fear that if the [oppressed group] should ever attain power, he would act without restraint or pity to revenge the injustices and brutality of the years. It is something like a parent who continually mistreats a son. One day that parent raises his hand to strike the son, only to discover that the son is now as tall as he is. The parent is suddenly afraid-fearful that the son will use his new physical power to repay his parent for all the blows of the past.

The job of the [oppressed group] is to show [oppressive group] that they have nothing to fear, that the [oppressed group] understands and forgives and is ready to forget the past. He must convince the [oppressive group] that all he seeks is justice, for both himself and the [oppressive group]. A mass movement exercising nonviolence is an object lesson in power under discipline, a demonstration to the [oppressive] community that if such a movement attained a degree of strength, it would use its power creatively and not vengefully.

Nonviolence can touch men where the law cannot reach them. When the law regulates behavior it plays an indirect part in molding public sentiment. The enforcement of the law is itself a form of peaceful persuasion. But the law needs help. The courts can order... But what can be done to mitigate the fears, to disperse the hatred, violence, and irrationality... to take the initiative out of the hands of racial demagogues, to release respect for the law? In the end, for laws to be obeyed, men must believe they are right.

Here nonviolence comes in as the ultimate form of persuasion. It is the method which seeks to implement the just law by appealing to the con-science of the great decent majority who through blindness, fear, pride, or irrationality have allowed their consciences to sleep.

The nonviolent resisters can summarize their message in the following simple terms: We will take direct action against injustice without waiting for other agencies to act. We will not obey unjust laws or submit to unjust practices. We will do this peacefully, openly, cheerfully because our aim is to persuade. We adopt the means of nonviolence because our end is a community at peace with itself. We will try to persuade with our words, but if our words fail, we will try to persuade with our acts. We will always be willing to talk and seek fair compromise, but we are ready to suffer when necessary and even risk our lives to become witnesses to the truth as we see it.

The way of nonviolence means a willingness to suffer and sacrifice. It may mean going to jail. If such is the case the resister must be willing to fill the jailhouses. It may even mean physical death. But if physical death is the price that a man must pay to free his children and his [oppressors'] brethren from a permanent death of the spirit, then nothing could be more redemptive." 

So, now that I've put my thoughts to writing I hope we can pause to consider what improvement we can make in our daily choices that will minimize the division and polarization that we see on the news and in our own lives.  The distractions are many; politics, past injustices, inequalities of all shapes and sizes, Covid pandemic impacts and vaccination differences of opinions, and many other issues, but they all can be addressed through productive dialogue and focus on treating each other with kindness and generosity.

I'll finish with a quote that I have recently come to like.  I'll leave it to each of you to see how we can best apply it in pursuit of our personal best each and every day.  

The Sunny Side

Sometimes it rains and pours and sometimes skies are sunny and blue.  It's just a fact of life!

Now, I happen to prefer the sun and warmth (one reason I choose to live in NorCal), but I have had some of my favorite distance runs during thunderstorms and downpours back in Virginia.  My point as it relates to pursuing our personal best is, I believe we can find a "sunny side" to every situation.

Sometimes mistakes are made. Sometimes things impact our lives that are out of our immediate control. Sometimes consequences from previous decisions catch up with us. Sometimes our plans just unravel or fall apart. No matter what the situation, we can choose to make "lemonade out of the lemons.

Yesterday was a big celebration in Cub Scouts and for my 9 year old son and his friends.  It was the annual Blue & Gold Dinner.  The highlight for my son is when we make a cake together and decorate it... then show it off at the event.  I love to see his excitement, pride in his work, and sense of accomplishment.  In preparation this week, our conversations revolved around how we would improve upon our creation last year. Finally the moment came as my son burst through the door after school, "Dad, I'm home! Time to make the cake!  We only have 2 1/2 hours before we need to go!"

Now, a dilemma for parents, and opportunity to be our personal best arises in moments like this.  We are in the middle of something, an important project, work, etc. and our child wants to play, begins asking questions that require your attention, or wants to make THE cake.  Such was the case with me. I was focused on a work project that needed to be completed by the end of the day, so I told my son that he would need to start the cake on his own, and that I would try to hurry and complete my work so that I could come help soon.

Upon explaining, I countered his objections, that "last year I messed it up" and "no one else can help me" with a simple "just follow the recipe and everything will work out."  And, then I returned focus to my project at hand and the hours ticked by.

Finally, I heard a distraught voice that meant I needed to go downstairs and respond. He said, "Dad, It looks horrible. I can't do it!" I arrived on scene to see a little bit of pudding had fallen on the cake holder. (By the way, we can't stand cake frosting or icing)  He was trying to spread the pudding on the first layer and couldn't spread it on the sides with the huge spatula.

I had two thoughts.
1. This is just a simple solution of using the right tool!
2. The cakes are baked and they look fine!

He had succeeded in baking the cake from scratch (two separate batches since it was going to be two layers). I only needed to add the other layer and then help spread the pudding.  All was good to go, until I successfully flipped the second layer and then watched the cake start to crack like the San Andreas fault in the 1978 Superman movie. (watch this video clip if you need a refresher).

As I observed his facial expressions, I calmly said, "This is no problem.  We'll cover it with pudding and no one will notice."  He seemed satisfied, but as I proceeded to finish the cake, I noticed how I had to revisit 'the crevice' multiple times due to the gradual widening.

It was then, my son divulged an important tidbit!  I had observed that the center of the top layer was a little "molten", but thought it had just been removed from the oven a few minutes early.  However, his explanation offered full clarity.  During the process of following the recipe, my son mistakenly added more than the 1/2 cup of coconut oil... he had added 1 1/2 cups. 😉

Again, I calmed his troubled mind and said, "This will be a very good, moist cake!"

Now, upon learning the actual cause and realizing my prior idea to conceal the shifting tectonic plates would not work, I then had a brilliant idea.  Let's work with the crack and turn it into a design!  We'll play off the underworld theme from the recent movie, Coco, and use a skull that he picked up from a recent trip to Mexico as a decoration.

He liked the idea and with the cake now complete, he carried to the car and away they went!

All, was good until I received two calls while they were in transit.  "Dad, the cake is breaking apart even more!  And, the skull is falling into the crack!"

Explaining there is nothing left to do cosmetically, he would just have to be satisfied that the cake would taste great and that he had done a fine job of making it all by himself.

I eventually arrived to find all the cakes on the table as shown at the beginning of this post, but had to take a close up of the work of art. Several people had commented on his creativity and wondered how he had created the "coming out of the grave" effect.

I just had to chuckle and take a moment to pause and think of the wonderful lessons of life that this experience had provided. And, by the way, the cake did taste good!

Feel free to comment your thoughts of how this applies to finding the positive in all situations and how we can use as a metaphor for pursuing our personal best.  Or, maybe you might just say, "How can you go wrong with chocolate?"

My Thoughts, Exactly!

We all know (or at least should know) that browsers, websites, and the internet in general captures our interests from our search behaviors and tries to develop a unique profile based on that activity. This data enables companies and advertisers to use all kinds of personalized marketing campaigns to grab our attention.  I'm not always happy about what is pushed my way, but today was different.  I'm glad I took time to watch a YouTube video
today that helped me refocus on what I'm doing to become my personal best.

I saw that it was from a channel called, Be Inspired, and I thought it would be a quick 5 minute video, so decided to watch.  As I continued to listen (multi-task) as I was working on some email responses and kept thinking to myself, I've been telling myself this for a long time.

I believe, becoming our personal best is not about crossing the finish line faster than you ever have before, hitting the winning shot, or conquering a tall mountain. Now, don't get me wrong. Those are all markers of success that everyone focuses on. And, we should celebrate each of our achievements and pause to bask in the moment of victory. That is all good, and provides momentum and confidence to try something else.

But, just like this picture above, "Success" is only the visible and glamorous part of reaching your full potential. I believe there is another part to the equation that is even more difficult to deal with, that is how we deal with the "Failures". For the majority of us, the 80% of the iceberg that is underwater represents what we face on a daily basis. 

To me, how we choose to face those challenges and how we choose to pick ourselves up time and time again, is what the pursuit of my personal best is really about.

Now, go watch the YouTube video and enjoy the full 30 minute compilation of motivational and personal growth snippets. Then take time to reflect on what changes you might make to press forward. I'll see you on the other side!

Surge of Interest

This week, I am attending the Gartner Catalyst Conference in sunny San Diego, CA.  Today I listened to keynote speaker, Steve Kotler, who caught my attention as he spoke about "Decoding Ultimate Human Performance".  Of course my interest shot through the roof as my neuronal synapses were firing... making connections to the ongoing pursuit of my personal best in all aspects of life... a topic that has intrigued me for as long as I can remember, hence, the focus of this blog.

I have so much running through my mind now, ideas that I would like to explore, and not enough time to coherently organize into written word, so I am merely going to introduce my thoughts today and work to elaborate in further posts.

As I returned to my hotel room, I explored a few websites and found an interview with Steve Kotler, from over a year ago, that will introduce you to the work he has been involved with, and will also help you understand why his comments grabbed my attention today.  

From a quick review of history, practically 79 years ago today, Jesse Owens won his 4th Gold Medal in the 1936 Berlin Olympics and matched the world record (10.3 seconds) in the 100-meter race and broke the world records in the 200-meter race (20.7 seconds) and in the broad jump (26 feet 5 3/8 inches).

That record has obviously been broken a few more times since 1936, and is currently held by Usain Bolt.

Thinking of the ancient Olympic motto, Citius, Altius, Fortius, how is it possible to continue improving on these records in the future?

Kotler shares information he has learned through a decade of interviewing and studying elite athletes.  This work has become the foundation for the Flow Genome Project.   This search to expand human boundaries and understand how the impossible has been accomplished has led cofounders, Steve Kotler and Jamie Wheal, to take the best in action sports training, Quantified Self biometrics, performance psychology, and digital experience design to further explore how the extreme can be brought to the mainstream.   

I definitely need to order and read a copy of Steve Kotler's book, The Rise of Supeman:  Decoding the Science of Ultimate Human Performance and explore the examples highlighted from his interviews of top athletes.

With my interest heightened, I also jumped on the offer to take the free Flow Profile. As with most profile surveys, I found some of the choices difficult to decide between, so I took the survey twice, so I could look at the results of both. As I read through those results, I feel like the combined analysis gives a pretty good assessment of myself.

1st Take Flow Profile Result:  Hard Charger  

Favorite website: Redbull.com Core piece of equipment: NorthFace Jacket Catch Phrase We Wish You Didn't Ever Say: "Bro...stoke...gnarly...epic" 

You tend to be a focused go-getter who craves intensity in your personal and professional life. You get bored easily with "run of the mill" and seek experiences that have high challenge and high impact. When you learn a new skill, you often seek out accelerated training from the best of the best, or you put your head down and hyperfocus until you figure it out yourself--either way, "slow and steady" middle-of-the-pack progress is not for you.

The same intensity and focus that pushes you to seek such high-impact experiences, tends to feed a pretty relentless inner critic that is always pushing you to raise the bar--others may experience this as intimidating or hyper-critical, but what they don't always know is that you judge yourself first and most harshly. For you, Flow offers one of the few escapes from that unforgiving scorecard, and when you do find activities that offer you this calm and relief, you often put them at the top of your list. 

Typical Flow Hacks: Adventure sports: skiiing, snowboarding, surfing, skydiving, mountain biking, MMA, rockclimbing, race driving, paintball. Non-traditional travel: loose itineraries, unusual destinations, cultural immersion. Substance Use: stimulants, intoxicants and euphoriants that alternately deliver increased intensity or dampen down your RPM. 
Special caution: due to your wiring for intensity and your persistent need to silence your inner critic, you are often more willing to take risks than many of your peers. Harnessed positively, this can result in you crafting a "life as a daring adventure" --rich and full of travel, adventure and new experiences--but it can also lead to "wrecklessness" in the realms of substance use, sexuality, adrenaline sports, and other edgy behaviors. 
Pro-tip: In seeking Flow as a Hard Charger, pay close attention to where the risk/reward equation gets upside down, and stay on the recoverable side of that line. Rather than always going bigger and faster, try going deeper. Slow down, take time to develop discipline and mine your given pursuits for all they offer. Self-handicap so that you don't have to keep upping the ante on the Challenge line of the Challenge/Skills Equation. Lateralize--if you are already hucking 20' cliffs on alpine skis, try telemarking. If you're surfing big waves, try SUPing. If you're a Lothario, try practicing with a single partner. If you're a hard partying clubber, try mindfulness training. 

Once you learn the mechanics of reverse-engineering your Flow states, you can realize that you've got more options and combinations to safely and sustainably get most of the goods without taking all of the risks! 

2nd Take Flow Profile Result:  Deep Thinker

Favorite website: Stackexchange.com, Etsy.com 
Core piece of equipment: my "Away Room" Catch Phrase We Wish You Didn't Ever Say: "Not tonight..."

Your Flow dream date consists of you, yourself and you, getting (finally!) uninterrupted time to do what you love most. You tend to seek Flow through creative, reflective, often soothingly repetitive work that lets your mind wander, lets your nervous system relax deeply, and lets your muse come through with something delightful.

While you can tolerate and even succeed in the hustle and bustle of daily life, a part of you is always off in your sanctuary, or biding your time until you can return to recharge your batteries. You may also find yourself seeking out times of day--early mornings or late evenings--where you can feel free of conflicting demands and get that uninterrupted concentration you thrive on.

Typical Flow Hacks: how you personally express your Flow profile can range widely and defies easy categorization. You may engage in the classical arts--painting, pottery, music. You may have found a home in more contemporary expressions, like digital photography, gaming or coding or "making". You may seek out a kinder, gentler form of Nature than your Flow cousin the Hard Charger--preferring hiking, gardening, and birding, or working with animals to unplug from daily life.

Special Caution: Your nervous system may be particularly sensitive and mismatched to contemporary "always-on" society, and it may require dedicated effort for you to carve out and protect those experiences that give you the restorative Flow you so deeply need. What's more, in this age of hyper-commercialization, you may feel like you need to defend your pursuits if they're not earning you large sums of money or recognition. It's OK to write poetry even if you're not published. It's OK to throw pots or ride horses even if they never "win" you anything. Know that your passions are serving an essential purpose in helping keep you balanced and energized in life--they increase your resilience, your immunity, your creativity, and your optimism--not only is that enough, it's everything!

Pro-Tip: Given your relatively gentle nature and rich inner life, you "may" find yourself less than fully embodied. You might not have excelled in organized sports, and you may shun the vigorous and challenging in favor of the more contemplative and restorative. Consider boosting your resilience by easing into cardio and strength training, sign up for a fun race, test your boundaries (mentally) build some muscle (physically) and not only will you find yourself more resilient, you'll also be rewarded with more Flow when you do return to your happy place! 

Well, this definitely gives me some things to noodle on!  I hope this has been equally interesting for you!  I look forward to comments and questions.

The Spirit of Christmas - The Spirit of Change

Christmas is a special time of year.  A time of giving, sharing, receiving, spending time with family and friends, counting our blessings, thinking of the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ, and his complete sacrifice for each of us.  With this spirit of joy, love, and peace I share our family Christmas "Photo" Letter with each of you.

I am so grateful for my family and for the blessings we have received over this past year.  I have not done my best job of keeping my blog up to date, so I will strive to improve in 2014.  Needless to say, 2013 was a great year for me in meeting some of my goals and pursuing my personal best.  I hope the same is true for each of you.  More to share on this in future blogs.

As I think of my growing up years, I recall that one of my Dad's favorite movies to watch at Christmas time was A Christmas Carol.  The story by Charles Dickens, of a man named Ebenezer Scrooge and his change of heart.   If you have been living on a remote island your whole life and have never seen it, you can watch the whole thing on YouTube        A Christmas Carol (1984 version)  You will be glad you did!

Ebenezer is known for saying Bah Humbug! and for his contempt for Christmas.  This attitude slowly starts to change as three Spirits of Christmas visit him throughout the night.  There are a few segments of the dialogue that I will share to illustrate his resistance.  

Spirit of Christmas Present: So! Is your heart still unmoved towards us, then?
Ebenezer: I'm too old and beyond hope! Go and redeem some younger, more promising creature, and leave me to keep Christmas in my own way!
Spirit of Christmas Present: Mortal! We Spirits of Christmas do not live only one day of our year. We live the whole three-hundred and sixty-five. So is it true of the Child born in Bethlehem. He does not live in men's hearts one day of the year, but in all days of the year. You have chosen not to seek Him in your heart. Therefore, you will come with me and seek Him in the hearts of men of good will.

As we look at our own lives and see areas for improvement, do we find ourselves so comfortable in our present condition that we resist change as did Ebenezer?  Do we think the effort is too great? Or, do we not fully understand the awesome experience we will have when we cross over to the other side?  I am intrigued by what keeps us (me included) resistant to positive change.

Now back to the story...  Ebenezer is visited by the Spirit of Christmas Past, where he reflects on several events that help him recognize that he was not always a "Scrooge".  He finally is visited by the final visitor, The Spirit of Christmas Future.

Ebenezer: [to the Spirit of Christmas Yet To Come] I am standing in the presence of the Spirit of Christmas Yet To Come? And you're going to show me the shadows of things that have not yet happened but will happen? Spirit of the Future, I fear you more than any spectre I have met tonight! But even in my fear, I must say that I am too old! I cannot change! I cannot! It's not that I'm inpenitent, it's just... Wouldn't it be better if I just went home to bed?
[pause]
Ebenezer: No? Well, very well. Lead on.

That last comment from Ebenezer is, in my opinion, the what it takes to make the mighty change.  Willingness to continue.  Recognizing that there is just possibly a chance that the change can still take place.  A final grasp to apply our remaining faith to move into the darkness with hope that the light will appear, rather than sink into despair.  May that be our goal as we look toward 2014!  Search out in our hearts and minds whatever is holding us back from becoming better and deciding to pursue our personal best.

I found the following quote from Thomas S. Monson, President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, which summarizes many of my thoughts regarding the Spirit of Change.  Enjoy!  Let's all "follow the Star and walk toward the Light this coming year!

“Our opportunities to give of ourselves are indeed limitless, but they are also perishable. There are hearts to gladden. There are kind words to say. There are gifts to be given. There are deeds to be done. There are souls to be saved.

As we remember that “when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God,” (Mosiah 2:17) we will not find ourselves in the unenviable position of Jacob Marley’s ghost, who spoke to Ebenezer Scrooge in Charles Dickens’s immortal "Christmas Carol." Marley spoke sadly of opportunities lost. Said he: 'Not to know that any Christian spirit working kindly in its little sphere, whatever it may be, will find its mortal life too short for its vast means of usefulness. Not to know that no space of regret can make amends for one life’s opportunity misused! Yet such was I! Oh! such was I!'

Marley added: 'Why did I walk through crowds of fellow-beings with my eyes turned down, and never raise them to that blessed Star which led the Wise Men to a poor abode? Were there no poor homes to which its light would have conducted me!'

Fortunately, as we know, Ebenezer Scrooge changed his life for the better. I love his line, 'I am not the man I was.'

Why is Dickens’ "Christmas Carol" so popular? Why is it ever new? I personally feel it is inspired of God. It brings out the best within human nature. It gives hope. It motivates change. We can turn from the paths which would lead us down and, with a song in our hearts, follow a star and walk toward the light. We can quicken our step, bolster our courage, and bask in the sunlight of truth. We can hear more clearly the laughter of little children. We can dry the tear of the weeping. We can comfort the dying by sharing the promise of eternal life. If we lift one weary hand which hangs down, if we bring peace to one struggling soul, if we give as did the Master, we can—by showing the way—become a guiding star for some lost mariner.”

Seize the Opportunity

Life is very interesting!  Sometimes you have a feeling or desire to do something that you have no idea how you will accomplish it.  There may be fear and apprehension associated with the goal.  There may be hard work required, but deep down, you know you want to conquer the task.

Then, out of nowhere, a glimmer of hope appears!  Rekindling the spark that may have dulled over time.  That's what has happened to me with the prospects of competing in the 2013 Ironman Championships in Kona, Hawaii.

Last night I submitted a video application for the opportunity to accomplish a B.H.A.G that I set on April 18, 2003.  Now I wait to see the outcome of creating this fun video.  In the meantime, I will be training... you can follow my progress at http://www.facebook.com/My90Days

 

My video will be judged on the following:

• Demonstration of commitment/passion to take on the challenge of becoming an Ironman (25%);
• Relevance to Search Theme (25%);
• Originality and Creativity (25%).
• On-Air Presence (25%)

This video (below) is the opportunity which has presented... Hines Ward, sponsored by GotChocolateMilk, is looking for two contestants to train and go the distance.

I hope you enjoyed watching as much as I had making my video.  Let me know your thoughts and what is something you are working towards.  Best wishes in your pursuit of your personal best.

Finding the Power Within

This morning I came across a commercial and really enjoyed the message about finding our power within.  To me, this is what achieving our personal best is all about.

The commercial depicts Patrick Willis of the NFL thinking in retrospect of his life as a little boy... facing the challenges of growing up.  Perhaps the reason I like the video is because of the memories this picture brings to me.  Growing up in rural Virginia, there were many times when I just ran through fields or pastures because there wasn't anything else to do.  I often used my imagination to create scenarios with my brothers as we would play Hide-and-Seek, play Army, or Cowboys and Indians.  Those were great times and were my foundation for developing my power.

I particularly like these words in the commercial, "I don't know if I was because I was running towards something or running away from it.  But, that didn't matter.  What I did know is, that when you run into something, something bigger, something meaner, something with the power to knock you down...  You have to trust in yourself!  Trust that you can get back up!  And, not give in!  Ever!"

Duracell Commercial: Trust Your Power

"Cause power isn't just about going forward... it's about not letting anything hold you back. You find it within yourself and you can go anywhere you want."

Finding that power is a daily task.  We can't give up if we want to succeed.  I'll share what I've been doing lately in my journey to continue my path to success in another post.  I'd love to hear what my readers are doing.  Please share!

How Was My First Ironman Triathlon? - Full Vineman Narrative

It's Saturday morning, July 30th, 2011. I arrive in Guerneville, CA about 5:30am.  It is dark and misting.  I find a place to park my car on the side of the road and begin to unload my bike from the back seat (I must not to forget to thank Jim Green for letting me borrow his bike... I'm so grateful for that gesture of kindness... Thank You!)  Other triathletes are walking past loaded up with all their gear, pushing their bikes in the dark towards the main street in town.  I put on the tires and inflate them to 110 pounds.  I make a final check of everything and mentally run through the sequence of the day and ensure I have everything... wetsuit, cap, goggles, towel, bike, helmet, bike shoes... then I start walking in the same direction as everyone else. I remember that I forgot to get my heart rate monitor and watch from the front seat, so I retrace my steps and then hurry quickly to catch up to where I was before.
I find myself in a long line of triathletes waiting to get into the transition area where we can rack our bikes and lay out our gear.  There is an announcer giving directions over a loud speaker, so as I get closer to the entrance of the swim-bike transition area, I can understand what he is saying.  "There will be over 1,000 participants today."  "Swim starts will be 3 minutes apart, and you must start with your age group, wearing the appropriately colored swim cap."  Since I am 40 my cap is yellow and I will start at 6:33am. "The water temperature is 72 degrees, so by USA Triathlon Rules, wetsuits will be allowed."  Good thing that I rented one!
By the time I get in the corral, it is starting to get light.  Among the many many rows of bike racks, I find the section that has been assigned to my age group and I begin to lay out my gear.  This is now my Transition 1 territory!  (I set up my Transition 2 territory last night at Windsor High School... That's where I will get off the bike and start the run ... some triathlons are situated where both transitions occur at the same place, but not today... that means that I'll need to come back to Guerneville and pick up my car later tonight).
The time is going by pretty quickly and I realize that I only have about 10 -15 minutes before start time.  I quickly rush to the portable toilets one last time and return to put on my wetsuit and then head down to the water.  My wetsuit is just about 1 inch short and 2 inches too tight around the chest, so I have to get help from someone to zip me up.  Now I'm all set and finally the moment arrives where we are told to get in the water and wait for the count-down...  3- 2- 1 - GO!
The water in the Russian River doesn't seem very cold (thanks to the wetsuit), and I find that I'm floating a lot easier (again thanks to the wetsuit).  I start swimming.  There are arms and legs kicking everywhere... I don't want to get hit in the face!  I'm getting brushed by others and I'm bumping in to them as well.  The water is dark, so I can only see people beside me when I take a breath and when I lift my head to sight in the open water and make sure I'm heading in a straight direction.  I am feeling pretty calm (considering that this swim portion of the Ironman has been THE major fear that has kept me from attempting this earlier in my life).  I start a rhythm of stroke - stroke - breath that I plan to do for the next 2.4 miles.  I have a goal to complete this portion of the race in around 1hr 45 mins.
After a while I see athletes standing up and walking.  I find that rather strange until I start to hit the gravel on the bottom of the river with my hands and realize that the river is very shallow in some parts.  So, I stand up and walk for a few yards as well... trying to find deeper water.  The rocks are sharp and don't feel good on my bare feet... besides isn't this supposed to be the swim leg?  I feel like I'm going faster when I'm swimming vs. trying to wade through the water. (This happens about 5 times throughout the swim which is two laps up and down the river)  I also find that my neck is starting to burn on the right side.  During one of the times when I stand up, I discover that the velcro strap for the wetsuit is rubbing my neck raw everytime I breath and turn my head to the right... Not very comfortable, so I attempt to modify the fastener which helps a little, but the major damage has already taken place.  Oh well, deal with it!  I'm not letting that stop me!

Eventually I near the final few yards of the swim.  It doesn't seem like it has been that long since I started.  Perhaps it is because my mind has been focused on avoiding getting kicked, or the constant sighting to stay on course, or the general excitement all around being different than swimming laps at the pool.  I exit the water and realize that I finished the swim portion in 1 hr 18 mins.  That's at least 20 minutes faster than I was planning on!  Good way to start the day!  Now, how do I get out of this wetsuit?  Luckily I hear a volunteer say they can help, so I readily accept, and am soon next to my bike, rinsing the sand and dirt from my feet, putting on socks and bike shoes (while stuffing my face with a banana and some cashews and macadamia nuts).  I grab my helmet and start walking my bike up a hill toward the Bike Out exit and to begin the next 112 miles on the bike.
The bike has a computer to tell me mileage, speed, etc., so about 2 miles into the race I realize I need to reset the computer so I'll have accurate readings.  I start sipping water and taking a few electrolyte pills; a routine that I plan to do every hour.  It's still early so traffic is not bad.  Police officers are at all intersections controlling traffic, so that is really nice... no stopping, unclipping, starting.  I don't really know the course since I didn't have time to drive it the day before, but the turns are marked and volunteers are everywhere directing us the right way.  Besides, there are other cyclists all around, so I don't think I'll get lost.  I'm making good time.  I look at the computer and see I am averaging 20 mph.  That's a little too fast than the pace I was thinking of, but I'm feeling good and don't feel like I am pushing hard, so I just keep the pace.  I'm hoping to complete the 112 miles in under 8 hours... I calculated that in order to do so, I need to average around 15 mph, with hills and everything.
Suddenly a bike passes me around Mile 7 and I notice the man only has one leg.  (Take a glance at the picture to the right and you'll see his right hand and crutch -- that means he swam faster than me as well!) He is clipped in and is just powering through with one leg.  I have to take a picture of this, so I reach down and try to get my phone quickly before he's out of site.  He ends up in front of the guy in the blue shirt (pictured below) in front of me... He's blocked so I can't get a good picture, but here's what I took.  While I'm at it I snap a picture of me as well (at least I tried to while pedaling down the road)

I begin to ponder if my Ironman challenge is really that big of a deal? When I see someone like that (a one-legged man passing me on the same challenge) it makes me stop and think about my tiny impact.  Life really is interesting and can teach us great lessons if we're ready to learn.  We should all be trying to get better, to improve upon where we currently are... in all aspects of life!  When things happen that may get us down we still have a choice on how we will move forward.  Attitude is very important!  Determination and Discipline are as well!  Even though I'm still in the first several miles of the bike portion of the race, I am motivated by seeing this man and more determined to complete my goal at all costs.
A little after these thoughts settle into my mind, I'm ready for some water.  We are going up and down hills and around curves, through the woods... really a fun ride so far.  After I replace my water bottle I go over some bumps... out goes my water bottle!  "Goodbye!" I say, because I'm not stopping to go pick it up.  I look at the guy next to me and say, "At least I just got to take a drink first, huh?"  He says nothing, just keeps pedalling.  I'm not too worried about the water, because I know there is supposed to be water and Gatorade at mile 28.  Sure enough there is, and as I ride by, I grab a bottle of Gatorade from one of the volunteers outstretched hand and keep going.
The next 20- 30 miles is pretty much the same routine.... keep pedalling!  Going up hills, down little hills.  The terrain seems to be mostly neutral... maybe slightly more uphill on average.  The weather is perfect, slightly overcast.  Just a perfect beginning to the day in Napa Valley.  I make it up a long hill and have a fun fast ride down the other side... I got up to 38 mph going down!  I pass through another aid station, but don't need anything...  Pretty soon, I realize that I'm half-way through.  But, I also realize that this is the furthest I've ever riden a bike in my life... Only one other time I rode 60 miles... and that was July 4th 2011.  (I've tried to be pretty conservative in my riding because in the prior two months after borrowing the bike, I tried to increase the mileage pretty quickly...  That, combined with trying to do the same intensity with my running, generated stress in my right knee and created IT Band friction pains... so, I pretty much kept to only 20- 30 miles on my training rides, once or maybe twice a week).  It's kind of hard to find a free 4 to 6 hour block of time for training while managing a family with five active kids, full time work, etc. !
Knee pain is not good... not for biking or running... actually not good for anything!  Of course, I have concerns about my right knee acting up on the ride.  So far it's holding out really well.  The chiropractic adjustments and the deep tissue massage that I received earlier in the week to break up adhesions seem to be paying off for my right knee.  But, what is this little pain that is starting in my left lateral knee joint?  Soon, I find myself heading up Chalk Hill, a fairly steep hill on the course.  By the time I reach the top, I start to get a little concerned about the left knee and begin to slow down my pace to conserve energy and to try to reduce the stress on it.  I decide that I will stop at each aid station and stretch for 8 to 10 minutes, to break up the repetitive motion, and to allow my body opportunity to try and replenish energy stores.
As I pass through the miles around the half-way point and as begin to think more about the knee pain, my mind begins to entertain thoughts of doubt and fear.  I start to feel the impact on my body and wonder how I will even finish another 50 miles, and then run a marathon?  I decide to stick with my original plan of hydrating and consuming calories: I eat a Cliff Bar, take some electrolyte pills, and a glucose tablet.  I soon begin to recognize scenery and a portion of the road that I know I passed ealier in the morning.  I now know that I am on the second lap and I begin to anticipate some of the hills and aid stations.  I decide to use this familiarity of the course to my advantage.  I adjust my mental perspective and just focus on what is coming up.  About this time, I hear sirens wailing in the distance.  They are approaching quickly and soon a fire truck zooms passed.  I'm wondering, where is the fire?  About a mile or two later, I catch up to the firetruck parked in the middle of the road and notice they are attending to a cyclist lying in a fetal position on the side of the road.  Is it heat exhaustion?  Did he get hit? What happened I wonder as I cycle by?
It is now around 1pm. The sun has been out for over an hour and I notice the temperature has warmed up quite a bit.  I continue my hydration, mostly water now.  I keep a bottle of Gatorade on the bike, but bike while holding a bottle of water.  This water is handy for rinsing my sticky fingers after eating another Cliff Bar.  I begin to squirt water on my head through the slits in my bike helmet.  This feels pretty good!  I squirt some water down the back of my neck and let it run down my back.  My neck begins to sting and I realize it is from my skin having been rubbed raw during the swim.  It's OK because it takes my mind off my knee.
I continue on... up and down familiar hills...  I arrive at the same aid stations and joke with some of the volunteers that I'm back.  They offer me a chair to sit down, and I tell them, No.  I've been sitting on a bike saddle for 6 hours by now (thank goodness I broke down and bought the tri shorts with a padded seat), and besides, if I sit down I may not be able to get back up!
Chalk Hill seems to be a little steeper this time around.  I strategically use my gears differently on this ascent and I stand up as I slowly climb the hill.  Strange as it may seem, I am passing 5 other cyclists... how is that possible?  Soon after coasting down the other side I start looking at the odometer and begin calculating the remaining distance... Only 25 more miles... Only 24 more miles... Only 23 more miles.  I realize that this slow count isn't really helping because I have a route at home that is about that long and when I do that loop twice, I can become very tired... time to focus on something else.  I find that it is easy to let my mind wander.  Some triathlete passes me; I look at their bike; I sense how hard they are pedalling.  I pass someone and I wonder if they are in pain?  What's their story?  Is this their first attempt at an Ironman as well?
Soon I pass through the half-way point marker again and realize that I only have about 13 miles left.  My instinct is to pick up the pace.  I hold back knowing that I need to nurse my left knee (which is starting to become more and more painful).  I start to think more about the 26.2 mile run and formulate a plan for dealing with the pain.  I resolve to pursue a walk -run strategy, and as I finalize those thoughts I find myself in the last miles leading up to T2 (transition from bike to run).

I dismount my bike and walk through the spaces to the rack where I have left my running shorts and shoes.  I decide to snap a quick picture!  (I guess I forgot to say Cheese!)
I quickly step into a changing tent and emerge dressed as a runner.  As I am walking toward the transition exit to begin the marathon, I hear an announcement... The first place finisher has just crossed the finish line, just under 9 hours.  That means that I biked the 112 miles in 7 hours 12 mins... I'm pretty happy with that because that puts me ahead of my expectations by about 1.5 hours!  My energy level is great.  My legs don't feel too wobbly.  My knee does hurt a little as I walk on it, but I feel pretty good about my plan to walk the first two miles then alternate running 4 miles/ walking 1 mile for the rest of the race.
I pull out my little bag of Pringles and start walking.  I figure the carbs, fat, and calories that I need are packed in those little chips.  There are tons of spectators and volunteers along the side of the road.  One lady says, "Now that's my kind of runner!",  as I munch on the chips and walk by.  I just smile and think to myself, "If only you knew what I'm really like."  I'm now strolling quickly, eating, and feeling really awkward to not be running.  (I ran Cross Country and Track in High School and have done some other races throughout my years at Brigham Young University and Life West Chiropractic College.  I've always been in the front quartile and would consider running one of my strengths.)  That being said, it seems that my running ability has declined over the years.  Partly because I have kept a busy work life, I find myself sitting behind a desk and sitting while commuting so many hours a day, that it has affected my muscle strength and endurance and thus has impacted my running ability.  This is very frustrating to me... knowing my capability and potential and not living up to it is miserable to me.  I just can't seem to be satisfied with accepting the "You're getting older" or "This is normal" kind of talk that is so common now days.
I'm now at mile 1.5 and am bored out of my mind walking.  Seeing others pass me is excruciating... just a little more so than the knee pain, so I decide to break with my walk/ run plan and start to run.  I only get a few strides into a run and feel the pain in my knee flair up.  I keep running thinking the pain will magically disappear, or that my prayers for the pain to go away will be answered.  I alter my gait a little trying to take the pressure off, but nothing works.  Those 50 yards is enough of a test, to let me know that my run/walk strategy is not going to work.  I continue walking thinking of other strategies, but now realize that my goal of finishing under 13 hours is not going to physically be possible.  I start to calculate the distance in my head -- the timing necessary for me to complete the Ironman in the alotted 17 hours.  I've never "walked" a marathon, but have heard it takes about 8 hours.  That puts me right at the cut-off mark... that's cutting it too close for my comfort!  So, I slightly increase my walking pace.
As I'm doing so, I mentally try to relate this experience to a vacation in Italy we had a few years ago, where my wife and I walked all over the cities of Venice, Florence, and Rome.  We didn't want to spend money on transportation, so we just walked everywhere.  And, we saw practically everything that others would see... we just walked fast to get to all the places.  My only problem now, was I didn't know if my knee would continue to get worse, or if I had enough time to finish by the cut-off time.  The only way I will figure out my pace  is to keep going!  So, I do.

The run course is set up nicely.  It is a  three loop, out-and-back course (the only bad thing is the turn around point which begins each loop is only 25 yards from the finish line -- it kind of gives you a feeling of mockery as you come in to start the second and third loop).  However, with this setup there is practically an aid station at every mile... I really didn't need to bring any food with me, and there was plenty of water and Gatorade to stay hydrated.  The sun is out and shining bright!  It really is a perfect day to be out for a nice run.  The scenery is beautiful and reminds me of my trip to Italy.  Everything is great, except I can't run!
I reach the first far-end turnaround point and soon cross the 5 mile mark... I continue walking and soon complete Loop 1.  I get a bracelet indicating that I am now on lap 2.  I calculate my time and realize that it took me 1 hr 50 mins to complete the almost 9 miles...  I'm making pretty good time!  (just for the record I ran 9 miles in under an hour back in February, so this is a little frustrating)  Still, I am somewhat relieved now, knowing that all I have to do is keep walking and I will be an Ironman... just a couple of more hours!  On this second lap, I begin to recognize other athletes.  Many are doing a run/walk strategy as I had originally planned.  I find myself passing some of the walkers, only to have them pass me shortly thereafter as they jog by.  But, then a few minutes later... I pass them walking again.   There are a few individuals that I continue to pass/be passed by for the rest of the race.
Going downhill is very painful for my knee!  I find that this is the worst part about the marathon walk so far.  I pass the 13 mile mark and am happy to know I'm half-way there.  The song by Bon Jovi... "Half-way there... Living on a prayer..." pops into my mind and I sing that in my head for a while.  I'm jolted back to reality as I go down one of the steeper hills on the course.  The pain has increase as the irritation and stresss on the joint is exacerbated with each step.  There are points along the way where I consider stopping.  I notice another pain developing.  This one is a searing, buring pain on my left pinky toe.  I know I'm getting a blister, but continue to walk on.  After a few more miles, I ask for a bandaid at an aid station.  I sit down to wrap up my toe.  I shouldn't have sat down!  As I stand up I notice that my hamstrings on both legs have tightened and now they start to burn and pull with each step as well.  What's going on with my body I begin to wonder?  I'm nearing the end of the 2nd loop (18 Miles) and see all the spectators lining the last 1/2 mile stretch leading up to the finish.  They are cheering everyone on, but it seems they are cheering on those who are trying harder.  I get fewer comments it seems, perhaps because I am walking.
At this point, I don't really care.  This is an internal competition for me, and the external cheers won't make a difference.  I do start to look for my family in the crowd.  They were planning to come up later in the day after finishing with Swim League Championships.  By this time, I estimated that the girls swim meet is over and they have driven the 100 miles to be at the finish as planned.  I don't see them!  I guess that means no pictures!  Sometimes when we are accomplishing a big goal it is nice to document the moment... to have a momento to look back upon as a source for future inspiration.  That's what I was hoping for, but I guess it's not going to happen... in the end I have my memories and mental pictures....  I have all of the thoughts that have crossed through my mind as memories, and you can't even take pictures of those.  As I continue walking, I think of how blessed I am.  I am grateful for a healthy body that allows me to even attempt this journey.  My emotions well up a little as I consider how great my Heavenly Father is, with all his creations, me included.  I soon take note of a lady who cruises by on her hand-bike.  She obviously is a parapalegic, but is out there giving her best.  Another moment of gratitude and inspiration sweep over me!
I am now on my final loop.  My pace has slowed down a little.  The 2nd loop (about 9 miles each) took me exactly 2 hours.  If I can pace out another 2 hours, I will finish at 9:30pm.  I discover I have two major competing pains now.  The left knee  and a new pain on the ball of my left foot.  I know this is the formation of another blister, but there is nothing I can do about it now.  It is caused by my altered gait that I have developed as I try to compensate for the knee pain.  Each step feels like someone is filleting the skin off of my foot, followed by stabbing me in the knee joint with an icepick.  I have passed the final turnaround and am heading back for the final 4 or 5 miles.  It is completly dark now, and I'm just walking and walking.  I continue to pick up food and drink at each aid station and consider that my nutrition plan worked out very well for the day.  I pick up a cup of ice and begin to chew the ice as I walk.  I try to freeze my tongue to take my attention away from my knee and foot.  It works for a few seconds.
I finally pass my last aid station and head down the last mile.  As I approach the area where all the spectators have been, I notice that the crowd has thinned a little, but there are still a few die hards who are still rooting us along.  A guy passes me running only to stop a few yards away and starts walking.  I catch up to him and say, "Just a few more blocks."  He say, "Yah, I thought this was the last one."  I pass him for a few minutes, until we turn the corner which leads directly to the finish line and he runs past me.  I finally make it to the carpeted area, which leads to the finish arch and hear my name announced, "Jason O'Connor from Antioch, CA...  Come on Jason, Bring it on in!  There we go!"  So, I create some kind of gallop- limp- run and cross over the finish line.  I now hear my kids yelling my name.  I look over behind the fences and see each of them along with my wife smiling and saying things like, "Good job, Daddy!"  "Are you done?" "How was it?"

So, in what seems just like a second, it's all over.  I've finished the 140.6 mile distance.  I can now call myself an Ironman!  Tons of thoughts are racing through my mind, What a great day!  It's late!  I need to go get my car.  I need to find all my gear.  And, I should really find some ice for my kneee!  As these thought occupy my mind, it feels like my body also knows that I am done.  I am starting to get tight...  We'll it all seems to work out... just like the race did... I find all my stuff, I get ice for my knee, we find my car, I drive home and arrive around 1:30am, take a shower, and crawl into bed.  I sleep pretty good tonight!
I awake the next morning, ready to go to church.  Yes, I have a few aches and pains, they will start to go away as my recovery begins.  In the back of my mind, I know what I need to do next.... I have to do set some new goals, strengthen some muscles, work on my endurance and, Yes, I will have to do another Ironman to improve upon this performance.  That's the way I look at things.  That's the way I pursue life.  Little by little, this pursuit of my personal best and the transition from Ordinary to Extra-ordinary will happen.  Good luck to each of you as you continue along your own journey.  Perhaps our paths will cross in the future!